Becoming homeless, My Hospital incidents and this is my story

I ran out of money due to a spreading spree which i wasn't aware about when I was currently in Brighton. I had just over £1000 which include everything such as, food, hostels etc... and after a few weeks it was all gone. I was feeling so unwell I couldn't control it i just kept spending! Then I end up on the street which were cold and daunting. i wouldn't attempt to sleep on the streets due to the consequences of what could happen to me. So i was awake for around 4 days in a row which made my mind so manic and erratic cause i wasn't taken my medication i most likely wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

I started to feel suicidal and felt so rough, dirty and my mind was uncontrollable. Then I was at the beach and I ended phoning the police to take me to the hospital due to the swelling on my ankle to the excessive walking and not feeling well at all. It was just a general hospital nothing to do with mental health. They thought i seemed fine as they didn't seem to consider to take me somewhere else even though I was not feeling right mentally. I got there and I was so restless and not eaten for days I was in the worst state you can imagine. I waited to be seen buy someone and they ended testing to see if I had alcohol in my system cause i was quite manic even though i didn't sleep so it could of seemed puzzling to nurses and others there. They saw the swelling on my ankle to which they gave me some cream which didn't really help to be honest.

Then later that morning I left the hospital and walked for miles with my swollen leg into Brighton centre... Then I ended up in the train/bus station when I got there i new I had no money but i wanted to go to London cause I didn't have anywhere to go my mind was very elevated and I was doing the most extreme things.. so I got on the bus without paying luckily and onboard to London.

Being in the for the first time in the hospital was one of my biggest nightmares I have ever experienced in my life. It firstly started off me deciding to travel to London, which was entirely my decision, due to the awful atmosphere at home which I didn’t want to escalate. My emotions were racing inside and I felt in a huge negative and depressive state which was too hard to control. Furthermore, it was down to not sleeping for 26 hours due to going out late in Brighton which ruined my state of mind even more.

I went into a police station where I was crying and really disheartened of what issues were occurring at home. From the police perspective, would have been this man is in a bad state and vulnerable if we let me go. My intensions were to have a nice time and go to a hostel and relax. However, the police kept me waiting around for hours on end until early hours of the morning. I started to be very curious and puzzled why they weren’t letting me go. I started questioning and out of nowhere I was arrested under the “Mental Health Act”.

I felt betrayed and I got put into a cage and I felt like I was getting treated like an animal all enclosed and feeling scared. Thoughts were rushing through my head I was shouting “Get me out” and heart was racing to the extreme. The bumps in the road would rock me side to side in the cage and I felt like a criminal.

I got out eventually by the police officers and I was in a rundown hospital and they were holding me like I had done something extremely bad. They walked me to a room were they sat me down and that’s when my manic behaviour started to kick in I was firing questions like I have never done before. I had social workers around me dressed like they were about to go for a footy game (In a rundown full tracksuit) I started to talk with them and felt fully engaged with them I had different thoughts which were positive when I started talking with the social workers.

I had a group of professionals come in who described me as “Unwell and manic” Well, you can’t blame me after what I went through that evening the traumatic experiences and dreading feelings racing through my body I felt in shock.

I then got taken into a room which looked like a prison solid bed dirty sink, plain solid white bare walls I felt like the room “Empty” I had black people around me from every corner of the hospital feeling like the odd one out. I was in Hackney where it does have a large population of black raced. At that point I was against black people as they were not in hospital for like the trivial thing I did.

The next day I was taken to a hospital “Bodium Ward” a hospital which was situated in Eastbourne as there was a bed waiting for me and they thought it was a more suitable place for me. However, I wanted to go home I didn’t want to be going through this emotional hell. I was shoved in a back of a vehicle (In a cage and I felt unwell struggling to breathe normally I was then sick excessively and felt faint and the driver was not aware of what was happening to me and carried on driving. 1hr 30 mins later I arrived in Eastbourne, it was dark and spooky place and I was starting to feel even more manic over the situation I was crying severely and just wanted to be in a comfortable environment.

I was very very tired even though I could express myself a lot which was down to the puzzling question Why? When? Where? How? Questions which I would shout to get answers. The nurses were grabbing me as I was out of control due to me crying and trying to escape. I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital nor was I allowed to even go downstairs to be social with other patience’s. I felt my heart was broken as I couldn’t believe this was reality and if only I didn’t go in the police station to show my vulnerability side. It was like they thought I would be detrimental to others when that wouldn’t of been the case.

The second hospital incident

A year later there was a repeat of going back into hospital. I started getting delusional thoughts when I was staying at a hostel in Brighton of people trying to get into my phone and people watching me as I went out. Then I decide to go to London even though I had lack of money and was not in a fit state.

I was trying to get in contact with hostels but there was no availability so I was wondering around the streets of London in the cold and rainy weather. Then I managed to get a taxi but he took me quite far when I said “Take me to the nearest hostel” The cab driver took me to Mayfair which is one of the most expensive places in London despite it being 2am which was a real negative.

I went into one of the nearest hostels and then I was trying to negotiate prices which didn’t work. I was in a very unwell state as well I didn’t have medication on me. As the nightmare of an evening I ran into some man who was a off duty cab driver who I said I would give him my watch in return to a cheaper area to stay in. However, it wasn’t much cheaper at all. I was then left by the man who drove me there. As the evening went on my mental state started to go downhill. I had thoughts of people following me and I felt people were against me due to the state I was in.

I then managed to get on a bus which took to the city centre, and it seemed everyone around me tried to avoid me was avoiding eye contact with me due to the state I looked in. I then went into a hotel emotionally and asking were the doctors was and I got pointed to one, and there seemed to be a lot security around this place which seemed odd to me. I went in and I was getting treated like I had something physically wrong with me due to the state I was in. I was watching them and then they got in contact with the police, who then took me to the nearest mental health hospital which they questioned a bit of what been going on with me…

Firstly, I was sent to a mental health hospital which was in London where I currently was and then I got taken to the hospital in Crawley, as it was closer to home and it felt much safer to me. I was in there for a few weeks and I met some patients who pleasant in some ways. However, I still had my deluded and paranoia thoughts which were playing tricks on my mind. This lead me to be not as nice to the patients and the staff around me.

Many of the patients had been in the hospital for quite a while. So if they saw me as not as unwell as them they would try and do manipulative things to lead to me staying sectioned longer. This made me do things like cause trouble towards others...

The medication did make me feel very sleepy and I did not feel myself. I was on quite a high dosage of psychotic and mood stabiliser pills which did not react well to body. At the time in hospital I needed to be on this particular dosage as I was very hyper and erratic.

Spending a excessive amount of money

How long I was sectioned for? I was in hospital for around 4 weeks in Eastbourne and 5 weeks altogether in a hospital near London and my main stay was in Crawley which I spent most of my time.

why did they let me leave at a certain period? My mind was in a certain state to the point I was at peace and felt at ease. It was a relief to be free and it made me a changed person.

How I felt when I left the hospital was a shock and also and a relief. The shock factor was due to it will seem very strange and abnormal for me to going back to everyday life again. The relief element is that I will have the freedom and also I became a lot more appreciative of what I had around me.

In general I became a lot more calmer than I was.. this did play a part in the medication to put my mood at ease. To try and improve my mood even more I meditate everyday for 30 minutes which is very beneficial for the health and well being.